Zim Throws Rocks
by TheIrkenMachine
Summary: Zim's lamest plan yet. Seriously. It's pretty dumb. One Shot. R&R!


A/N: This is a OneShot thing I wrote a year ago. It was just an experiment with writing humor that I decided to do b/c I usually don't write humor. Enjoy!

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**Zim Throws Rocks**

"Incoming Transmission from planet Earth."

"Oh, it's Zim!" Both Tallests whined.

"What is it this time, Zim?" Red asked, clearly annoyed.

"Rocks!" Zim said, grinning proudly on the view screen.

"Excuse me?" Purple said, also clearly annoyed.

"You're excused, my Tallest," Zim said, still grinning proudly and stupidly. He just stood there, hands on his hips, smug look on his green face.

The Tallest considered just letting him stand there like that all day, but he'd be blocking other calls, so Purple sighed, rubbing his eyes, and said:

"What about the rocks, Zim?"

"Oh, yes! Rocks! Humans are vulnerable to rocks! I plan on destroying the humans with rocks, especially the Dib-pig. With his gigantic head, he should be an especially easy target. This could be my most brilliant plan yet! Bring the Armada, Earth will be ready for the Final Canning Sweep tomorrow! I am amazing! I am Zim!"

Red and Purple stared at him and blinked slowly. This might actually be the worst plan Zim had come up with yet. It wasn't even funny, it was just...dumb. Without saying a word, Red raised a remote and cut the transmission.

Back on Earth, Zim still stood in front of his computer, arms raised triumphantly in the air.

"They hanged up on you!" GIR chirped.

"Do not interrupt me, GIR. Can't you see I'm talking to the Tall- hey! They hung up on me! Oh well, it must have been an accident. I'll call them back later. Come GIR, conquest is near. I can smell it."

"That's my chocolate covered rat meats! I cooked 'em this morning!"

GIR crawled out of the box he'd been playing in and the two went upstairs.

Some time later, they were dragging a box down the city streets. Zim would randomly grab rocks out of the box and hurl them at passers-by. Zim stopped on a street corner, eyes narrowing. Dib was across the street. He had his back to the alien and was standing in a long line. The line appeared to be going into the mall.

"Dib," Zim hissed, tossing a rock up and down in one hand, "prepare for your doom, smelly human."

Zim brought his arm back and sent the rock sailing across the road. It hit Dib in the back of the head, and Dib turned around, annoyed, to see who was throwing stuff at him.

"Zim. I should have known. You- Ow!"

Zim whipped another rock at him, hitting him in the face this time. Zim grinned, thinking he was actually accomplishing something here.

"Zim, you jerk! I didn't even do anything to you!"

"Ha ha ha! You quiver in fear human! Yes! Fear the rocks of Zim! Your planet falls today!"

He tossed another rock. Dib dodged it this time. He stared at Zim in confusion and annoyance. What did Zim think he was doing? Dib shook his head and turned around again. If he didn't get Gaz that new game for eating all her pizza, it would be his doom. He really didn't have time for Zim's alien stupidity at the moment.

Zim squinted and glared at the human's back. How dare he turn his back on Zim! Had the rocks failed him? According to his calculations, the human should have been reduced to cytoplasm by now. He must have been using some sort of defense mechanism, a shield of some type.

"Laugh now, Dib, laugh with your rock tolerating abilities, I will destroy you."

"I'm not laughing," Dib stated, turning his head to see the Irken, "I don't even know what you're talking about. Could you maybe not bother me right now?"

"You lie! And I will always bother you, Dib! I will bother you until your feeble brain meats can take it no more!"

"I'd believe that. But you'll never destroy me, Zim! Not while there is still an Earth to be saved! Now really, go away."

"Pitiful human! I will destroy you now! GIR, attack!"

GIR bounded across the street and landed in a dirt pile next to Dib. Dib looked at the robot skeptically. GIR stared back a moment, then let out on of his characteristic squeals before rapidly kicking his feet and flinging mud all over Dib.

"Hey!" Dib shielded his face, "Annoying little robot! Stop it!"

"Okie Dookie!" GIR squealed and ran off into the mall.

"GIR! Get back here!" Zim barked, "Finish him off! GIR! You'd better now be buying that horrible flatulant 'silly pud-dy' again! GIR!"

Zim was now pushing his way past the remaining humans in line.

"Move it, stink meat! Filthy slugs! You dare stand in the way of Zim! GIR!"

Dib finally made it into the mall and was next in line. He handed his money to the clerk in exchange for the video game, then turned and went home.

Later that night, Zim was making another call to the Tallest...

"...so the humans have some kind of super defense against the rocks. The Dib has not fallen yet, but he has been filled with fear of my wrath! He knows not to stand in the way of Zim! I will-"

Zim was interrupted by a loud farting noise in the back ground.

"GIR! I told you not to buy that stuff! Give it here!"

"Only if you do the cha-cha with me!"

"Now GIR!"

Zim tried to grab the jar of...stuff away from GIR. The robot squealed merrily as Zim commenced to chase him around the lab. The Tallest watched the scene from the Massive.

"That's disturbing," Purple said.

"I think so too," Red agreed, then cut the transmission.

The End.

A/N: I know it was short and pointless, but that was the point. R&R please!


End file.
